Buzzin' for My Love

I've far long anticipated the 13th of November for this year after my 1D lads announced that they're releasing their album (Made in the A.M.) on that day... Little did I know that my one and only love, Daniel Radcliffe, will be honored by Hollywood by giving him a star at the Walk of Fame in LA on the same date!

The ceremony happened on Thursday, 12th of November (LA time); 13th of November on where I am. So, I dunno. Again, I'll say it: Time difference i such a pain in the ass! Hahaha!

Anyways I was so guilty I didn't tuned in for it; but no one can blame me! I was currently obsessed with the other 4 lads. They're all over my timeline and schedule. Dan doesn't have update much on him. And I'm pretty sure he understands. He has to. 

I am so proud of him. He did come a long way.

Harry and I, We're Connected

Sorry.. I'm pretty much giddy about this whole "copying pose" that I posted last night on my social media accounts and I can't help but to gush my feelings about it. Trust me, I didn't plan this; but it happened... And everything went right in my world; or in my fan girl world that is...

13.11.15

A photo posted by @harrystyles on Oct 13, 2015 at 5:46am PDT

October 13, 2015 - A month before the much anticipated release of One Direction's (5th) upcoming album, (Made in the A.M. w/c you may pre-order here: Pre-order MITAM Deluxe Edition) my ever loving, gorgeous, curly, sexy, angel, babe Harry Styles posted the above teaser on his Instagram account.

So you know, I liked it and get over it mainly because he is such a tease, omitting his beautiful head on that post. I was like: "I will wait for the whole photo before I swoon".

October 17, 2015 - Saturday. Bummed in the office, preparation for a pumpkin-related celebration a.k.a. Halloween. There's plenty of black and orange balloon that unleashed my inner-kiddo-self. One of my officemates took some candid photos of me playing with those gas-inflated bags and this one stands out, there's actually another one that I planned to post side-by-side with this one but... change of plans.

October 18, 2015 - Sunday night.. Creeping on Twitter, voting for the lads #EMABiggestFans1D ❤ and then I saw this:

I was like: "Oh.. So this is the whole thing." As I was saving it on my camera roll I saw a glimpse of my previous photos.. Then, lo and behold, I spotted our almost-the-same poses! （‐＾▽＾‐）

Just imagine how giddy I was.. Hahaha! I made this post in a snap!

Waah! Copy cat @harrystyles 😝😂 I have balloons though 😁👌🏽 🎶 Baby, I'm looking for someone to write my break-up songs about... I think you're #PERFECT 🎶 #MITAM #giddy #unexpected

A photo posted by Daniella V. Marquez (@damedaniella) on Oct 18, 2015 at 7:51am PDT

So there... That's the back story of that picture. Don't you just love coincidences at times?... I know, it gives you false hopes most often than not; but generally speaking, I think it sparks hope. It's for you to figure out whether it's a false hope or not. Okay. That is an entirely different topic.

I'll be lying if I'll say I'm not hoping for Harry to see this; but I know he's too busy and all that and lots of other people need his attention.. I just wanna get it out there... Somehow, I want to show the world that even if we're miles and miles apart, we're connected at some point. He's connected to all his fans and us fans are connected by him. It's a wonderful love story. (◕‿◕✿) Baby just say yes? Nah. Haha! Ow, that's a different song. ^o^v

Okay as I'm wrapping this up, the caption on my IG post is some lyrics change (if you're not familiar, where the heck have you been this past week?!) from One Direction's latest single: Perfect. Go listen on Spotify: Listen to Perfect by One Direction or buy it on iTunes: Buy Perfect by One Direction
(ღ˘⌣˘ღ) ♫･*:.｡. .｡.:*･

A photo posted by @harrystyles on Oct 16, 2015 at 3:25am PDT

Good

I always deem the worst in people. I dunno why, I believe it might save me from heartaches. I don't like opening up to them.. I feel like once I did, I'll get exposed and they'll have a hold on me. I don't like the idea... I think I got used to being sealed off over time. Trust me, it's not healthy at all sometimes...

I'm so in love with the idea that one day I'll meet someone who will be patient and interested enough to open me up. I think I'm saving myself for that someone (Heck! I mean that in the prudish possible way! Haha!). Yeah, so it goes like that; but the thing is... It gets to me. Sometimes, I find myself not wanting to be around people. I'm becoming a sociopath! Not that it's too bad though.. It's just that, I'm hurting a lot around me, I don't mean it; but I'm not sorry. Ok, that's twisted. Haha!

I don't really know what's this post is all about. All I know is that this is how I feel... I always refuse to see the good in people... We are all labeled as sinners for a reason. I don't like good. Maybe I've missed a lot of it in my life... Maybe I'm hurting a lot of the people around me because I don't see them as such, but I'm not sorry. I feel bad, but I'm not sorry.

*Made this probably around a week or 2 ago?*

Sometimes, You Have to Go Back to Your Roots

Isn't it good when you have someone to go back to and make you feel grounded and secured?.. Like, you can go fly and explore the world, get bruised and hurt, have your wings damaged and once you're down, you'll just turn and call back on that someone, then you'll get the boost that you need.

Let's just say that he wasn't the one I expected to be there and hear my petty sentiments... But presto! One single call and he was there. Scolded me a bit for being the brat that I am but listened to me nonetheless.

I just love my best friend so much right now! ^_^

Who Actually Likes Monday???

Definitely not me! D'you know someone?? Tell me.. I need to meet them and befriend  them so that they can shred me some good vibes on this day...

Ugh. This day is always supposed to be a non-working day.

YEAH, yeah... Enough about it. It's jut too depressing... </3

I miss my grams and I feel like everyone is against me.. I dunno, just one of my "ME things". and I got a work to do! Ciao!

Daniel Radcliffe's Recent Photoshoot Gives Me Chills and a Lot of Other Feelings

Yes love, I still think of you; but every time I do, I'm frightened... You're just too far away.

I love you. I don't know why, I just do.

I love you, with every inch of fiber in my being.

Don't ask why... I just do.

Can you not?..

It's funny how some people think they can walk in and out of your life so casually.

Like, excuse me!?.. First of, my life is not a convenience store where you can come and go as you please 24/7, with or without taking/getting what you need. Second, my life's not a pad where you can take comfort at night but leave out the next morning. This list can go endless... And I'm quite tired. I don't even know if this is worth writing.. But I need to let that out.

Dear No One by Tori Kelly

You know how it is when you found/heard a song that hits you to the core of your being?.. It's just so amazing. Now, I wouldn't call it my favourite; but it is one of the many... I don't know, I don't have a favourite song... I just can't choose among the choices! Haha. So anyways here it goes.. Look at the lyrics and listen on YouTube (click the link below)!

Ooookay..? Let's get into the lyrics:

"Dear No One"

I like being independent

Not so much of an investment

No one to tell me what to do

I like being by myself

Don't gotta entertain anybody else

No one to answer to...

Practically, me af! Actually, the whole song! Why do I have to shred it per stanza?.. I swear, the whole song is so freaking me (ღ˘⌣˘ღ) ♫･*:.｡. .｡.:*･

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold

Someone to give me their jacket when it's cold

Got that young love even when we're old

Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand

Pick me up, pull me close, be my man

I will love you till the end

Yep. Sometimes. And nope; I don't hate being single... I love everything that comes with it, but yeah there are times when I longed for someone to love me as much as I do him... That one guy whom I can feel security, affection and all those mushy feelings.

So if you're out there I swear to be good to you

But I'm done lookin', for my future someone

Cause when the time is right

You'll be here, but for now

Dear no one, this is your love song

Ooo-OhOh

Well, I can't promise to be good. I'll mess up. I always do, so that someone should have a lot of patience and love for me... Right now, I don't really want to deal with complications brought by relationships, maybe I'll be too preoccupied or what not; but when the right time comes... I wanna be the best girlfriend this world has ever seen, maybe when that time comes, I will be willing to compromise everything for my future someone. 

I don't really like big crowds

I tend to shut people out

I like my space, yeah

But I'd love to have a soulmate

And God'll give him to me someday

And I know it'll be worth the wait, oh

Again, this verse is so me! Need I say more?.. I always say that God is busy writing my perfect love story, I know He knows that I'm not yet ready for this perfection. One day, someday, soon.. In His time, 

So if your out there I swear to be good to you

But I'm done lookin' (But I'm done lookin'), for my future someone

Cause when the time is right

You'll be here, but for now

Dear no one (Dear nobody) this is your love song (Ooo-Oooh)

Sometimes, I just want somebody to hold

Someone to give me their jacket when it's cold

Got that young love even when we're old

Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand

Pick me up, pull me close, be my man

I will love you till the end

So if you're out there I swear to be good to you

But I'm done lookin' (I'm done lookin'), for my future someone (Ooo-Yeah)

Cause when the time is right

You'll be here, but for now

Dear no one (Dear Nobody) this is your love song (This is your love song)

Dear no one, no need to be searchin', no

Dear no one...

Dear no one...

Dear No one, this is your love song.

Tori Kelly - Dear No One (Official Video) - YouTube

Gaah! I just love this song! I could've been the one who penned it!

♫ ..•* ★¨`*•♫.•´*.¸.•´♥ ♫
☀ Dear No One, ☀☀
♫ ..•* ☀¨`*•♫.•´*.¸☀.•´♥
┊ ┊┊ ┊☀┊ ┊ ┊┊ ☀ه
ه┊ ☀ ┊ ┊ ི♥ྀ
☀ ┊┊ ☀ه
ه┊

I'm Writing Again :)

Writing has always been my escape... I just love the connection of my thoughts to my pen and my paper/my computer screen and keyboard/my iPhone's notepad. It has always been a passion. There used to be a time when I'll just sit on m'bed for hours and write... And I've always liked the byproduct; but I've lost that passion, that connection that I used to have.

Sometimes, I will find myself zoning out with ideas that needed to be written and when I tried to pen it, it's gone. There's nothing to blame really... One day, I just decided to stop. See, the main purpose of writing for me is to jolt down every happy memories that I will love to remember at some point; and then recently, I felt like my life's getting down and I just can't bear to write the sadness inside me... It started when my Lolo died... It was painful, and I just can't seem to write it all out.. Even now as I think about it, it messes me up.

But I have to let it all out... Like how do you actually write something that you don't want to remember but cannot seem to forget? And that same thing that you know you have to remember but hurts you deep inside. It's maddening, it's insane.

I don't even know if it make sense... But sometimes, that's the point. It doesn't have to make sense.

I'm finding my way back. It's about to get better than ever! .x

Some Random Rant

I do not understand why people talk about things that they do not know one thing about. Is your life that boring?!.. My mantra has always been: "if you do not have anything nice to say, then just shut your big mouth up"; Problem with people? They are too opinionated sometimes and they all wanted to be heard... Which is OK at some point; but maddening most of the time. Then they'll complain that life is complicated... Well newsflash hun: Life is not complicated; people are.

Well, that's some random rant I feel like posting on FB the other day but decided not to. Don't ask me why... I dunno either. ^_^v

First Thought on the First Day of a New Month

Well, this is some wicked thing.. I dunno though. I just wanted to do this. :)

You always come into my mind uninvited.

 All of these years...

You've always been welcome;

But unlike all of those times, recently I found myself trying to pull you out.

You're just too far away; and I'm getting scared…

What if I can't reach you?

It's getting so hard; 

And I'm losing all the means to get to you.

Why do you have to be so far away?

Nasty! It's been a while. A long while since my mind produced some words worthy of mixing up to make some poems.. Well that is if,,,? You could call it that .x

IX

Accept the fact that you will grow apart from people you’ve had significant relationships with. Understand when someone no longer positively affects your life. Let them go. Don’t hinder your growth.―Lyjeeria (grab from berlin-artparasites)

Change... It's the only thing that's constant in this world. Inevitable. Innit?.. Haiiszt! I don't know why I'm doing this post... It's not as if they'll know about it.. It's not as if I will tell them about it. And it's not as if I want them to know about it... Well, that last sentence there is a lie.

Uh..? I don't know. What to say or what to write rather, nor why should I.. But I want to. And well, I do anything that I want. Vague. Impulsive. Confusing. Yep, that's just me. 9th year... Wow. Time does fly huh?.. Nope. I don't want to reminisce... I will only bawl my feelings into my eyes and out. This is so funny and annoying at the same time. Okay...? You're lost aren't you?.. Then stop reading this.. It's not for you. This is for 3 of the best things that's ever been mine... I don't know.. Kind of an open letter or whatever it is you may want to call it. They said never make a decision when you're mad and never make a promise when you're happy; but I'm one of those "in-the-moment" kind of girl and I'm sorry but, I always try to say what I wanna say... No matter who I hurt in the process.. And I know; I suck big time because of that..! I don't need you to tell me; but honestly?.. I do believe that you should say what it is you wanna say if you have the chance... So many people don't get those chances.. Anyways this isn't about them now, is it? Trust me when I say.. I'm the worst best friend you'll ever have. I'm needy.. I'm jealous.. I'm demanding.. And I'm selfish. I thought I actually am writing this to redeem myself... But I went back through my unpublished posts this week.. Those posts that are dated last year... There I saw the "goodbye" letter I wrote to each of them... And... I wanted to slap my last year self while reading those... I've been harsh; but no.. I do not regret it.. Because I know I had to do that. I had to let them go.

“You're thinking that I hate you now

Cause you still don't know what I never said.”

-I Wish You Would, Taylor Swift

So I did. And in all honestly... I think we've never been better. I've said it myself anyways.. I did that for all of us... Because maybe if I didn't... It'll worsen up. We will end up hating each other.. That, I cannot take. I needed to take the blame.. For our friendship... For my love.. For their good. I'd rather be hated because I cannot hate them... Not ever. They might think I did.. Which was heavy to take; but well, right now, right here... I wanna tell them that I did not hate them. I don't hate them... And I never will.

“I wish you would come backWish I'd never hung up the phone like I did, and I
I WISH YOU'D KNOW THAT I NEVER FORGET YOU AS LONG AS I LIVE, and I
Wish you were right here, right now, it's all good, I wish you would.”
-I Wish You Would, Taylor Swift

We're now living our lives apart... I wouldn't have it any other way; but I'll always remember them. They'll always be dear to me. I'll always have those silly high school memories we had tucked inside me. I'll always be best friends with those 3 naive-silly-crazy-beautiful-15y/o-girls.

“And being here without you

Is like I'm waking up to

Only half a blue sky

Kind of there but not quite

I'm walking round with just one shoe

I'm half a heart without you

I'm half a man at best

With half an arrow in my chest

I miss everything we do

I'm half a heart without you”

-Half A Heart, One Direction

This is why I understand why Zayn left One Direction.. (Maisingit lang?.. Haha! BTW, Z and I are both Capricorn. He's not my favorite tho, but that lad has a place in my heart.) Sometimes, things get too overwhelming.. You have two choices: either to hold on and hurt yourself in the process or let go and save yourself and the memories. I know, it might seem too selfish... But let us remember that we cannot love others if we do not love ourselves first.

“Forget all we said that nightNo it doesn't even matterCause we both got split in two...”

“Though I try to get you out of my head

The truth is I got lost without you.”

-Half A Heart, One Direction

What's done is done tho... We all need to go forward and live our lives; no matter how much we wanted to get things back on how they used to be... It wouldn't... I'm not writing this to get them back... I'm writing this to let them know that I will never forget them.. That they'll always have a place in my heart. And to let them know that I'm proud of them... I'm proud of what we have become and what we are all yet to become.. I want them to know that I'm proud of our friendship that will remain forever dear to me.

Lola's Girl

In my nifty years of existence, this'll be the longest time I'll be away from you.. Miss you already! 😕 #crybaby #lolasgirl

I have too much to blog about.. But this is a priority.. I miss my grams sooo much.. 😭😭😭

It's been the 3rd night I was away from her... It's not easy!! I'm so lost without her.. And I have to endure it for a month or so!! 

WOAH.

Why hello my dear blog!

Its been quite a while huh?.. Well, I figured I have to make a new post right.. Basically because I want to. 

Anyways, I don't have anything in mind to blog about right now... Okaaaay. Maybe there is; but... I don't wanna post it here or anywhere for that matter.

Blah. This is waaaay too pointless... I was browsing my Notes on my phone.. There's too much scratch.. Haha! I wanna post them here.. Then again, I don't, so I won't. 

Nah.. I'm just a paradox gal that you'll either love to hate or hate to love .x

i Just have To

Why do you have the power to hurt me?.. I don’t get it.. Why do I even love you?.. I don’t even know you personally.. Heck. I spent more than half of my life loving you. This is absurd… I don’t want to feel it but I feel it.  Do you know how hard this is?.. No, of course you don’t know. There will be no way for you to know.. You’re barely aware of my existence… And that makes this whole damn thing as pointless as it is! But this is my life, my feelings… I refuse to accept that it’s pointless, or worthless, or nonsensical.

I'm a Sinner

Good Friday... This was supposed to be a time for re-evaluating myself and begging God for forgiveness... I don't know what kind of life I am living in right now... They say that everything has a purpose... I do not know what mine is... I feel like I'm a worthless piece of shit. And it hurts. So bad that I find myself asking why am I living?

I was born Catholic, I grew up as a Catholic. Many times, I've let my religion define me... But as I think about it now... People cannot be define solely of what they're supposed to believed in. I'm a sinner, but that doesn't mean I'm a bad person. I just hate those Catholics who acts as if they're not sinners and they're the only ones who's gonna be saved by the love of God. 

I grew up knowing that my God, is a loving God. He can be angry, yes... But he forgives and He loves me... Then came the abusive minx part of me... It's getting harder for me to talk to Him... I'm embarrassed of my sins and sometimes I feel like I'm not supposed to be forgiven.. I do not deserve His love. It's hard to say you're sorry for the things you did when you know deep down in your heart... That you'll do it over again. I'm afraid that one day I'll wake up, and He has stopped loving me... Or worst, that one day... I may not wake up anymore.

A Birthday Message

Happiest birth day love!

She's been my best friend ever since 1st grade... We had conquered elementary days together... All those pawis days! We've seen each other grow... High School years were not that great for our friendship... I thought I'd lost her, but you cannot lose someone who is willing to stay. Yep, we conquered a friendship break-up... And I'm freaking proud to say that she's my best friend forever.

Hi bhez!  Happy, happy birthday! I know we can barely find time to talk and see each other on a regular basis... But you know that I'm always here for you no matter what. I love you so much! I don't want to make this as cheesy as it is but I want you to know how important our friendship means to me.. I love how we can tell each other anything.. And I love how we both know that we can lean on each other.

I love you! Don't ever forget that! x

FAN GIRL MODE IS SO ON

And I cannot find the switch button off, sooooo...

Sunday March 22, 2015, 11:35 PM 

Directioner and proud.

Way back in the early days of One Direction (their fetus days as how Directioners call it), I was never a fan. I never understand the reason why teenage girls my age was going loco all over those 5 lads. I never listened to their songs or even give them a second glance... I don't hate them, I just don't care. Guess everything changes when you start to give a damn. Caring is everything.

I grew up loving an English man... I'm a die hard Potterhead. I have loved Daniel Jacob Radcliffe ever since I started to know what love is... That might be the precise reason why I never took a second glance to the One Direction lads... Somehow, deep inside me... I knew that they'll tug in my heart... And I was afraid. See, I'm not the cool kid. I do not like the norms and the trends. I do not go with the crowd. And mostly everyone my age all over the world wants One Direction, I do not want to go with them. I have my own.

Until November 2014 came... My inner pop star personality is all over Taylor Swift's 1989 album... Then there was a rumor.. That her ex-boyf, Harry Styles from One Direction gave her 1,989 roses for the success of the said album.. I love Tay since Tear Drops on my Guitar (high school days!) and so when I came across Ellen's interview with One Direction and Harry Style's answer to this rumor... I've watched it. Might be the dumb-est or the best-est move I've ever done. 

Friday, March 27, 2015, 3:50 PM

I fell hard with his British accented-husky/hoarse voice... I fell hard with his movements... The way he answered that rumor with coolness and ease... The next thing I knew, I have already asked my baby brother to download their latest album entitled FOUR and I continously fall with Harry-freaking-Style's voice.

Not the start of my obsession with lads though.. I started listening to their latest songs but I only wanted to identify Harry's parts... Till the 30th of January 2015 came... One of my officemates texted me about his obsession with Zayn Malik... And then poof! I started to watch videos of them... Their early days on the spotlight... All those rumors that came along with their fame... I started to admire each of them... And I became so close with Anna (my officemate, who's now my Directioner-sissums!). Then I realized that when you listen (I mean really listen) to their older songs, and watched them grow... It's indeed impossible not to love every single one of them. I never wanted to go fan girling.. It's time consuming.. But I just can't resist these charming lads!! 

Then we decided to watch them live.. Since we cannot get ahold of our feelings.. Good thing we're not yet too late to get tickets for their first ever concert here in the Philippines.

The rest as they say it... Was history. It has been a week since I saw them perform live.. Right now, One Direction and Directioners all over the world are in deep shit... But we're all holding on to each other... I don't freaking know how far this goes... But as long as they are making music.. I'll be here to listen.. We all don't know what the future holds... But right now... I'm here to love and support my favorite lads.

PCD is an Actual Thing

I went through a PCD (Post Concert Depression) last week so... Don't even ask me to clarify on this one... I hardly even know such thing exist! I don't even know how I turned into a Directioner.. Okay.. Well all I know and all you should all know is that HARRY FREAKING STYLES happened. That's it. Once you watch those 5 lads... You'll never resist their pull.. And you'll find yourself falling not just for one, but for all of them. Hard.

I don't even know how to describe this feeling... When they did the last song it was a mixture of euphoria and depression. It's crazy, I know! But I think that's just how it is. 

THIS JUST IN: "MOVING ON" IS REAL

Good vibes! Hahaha! Today it hits me... I've moved on. Finally. I don't know how, but I am finally over a certain feeling. It's freeing really. And it makes me giddy...

SO.. About the pic above... I saw it in the randomness of my FB news feed... I used to see: MONEY first all the time... But this afternoon; it took me almost a minute to even find the first word and the 3 words I found first were: BEAUTY, EXPERIENCE and HUMOUR. It's just so mature, it all relates to life itself.

BEAUTY of life... Not the physical appearance, not the one that is dictated by the standards of society. Nope. Beauty of everything in the life I'm living right now... Beautiful everyday, beautiful people that I love and all others around me. As much as I believe that life is unfair, I always believe that it is beautiful... Every life is and should be beautiful.

EXPERIENCE... What was it they said back in grade school? "Experience is the best teacher." Well, I practically second that. There are a lot of thing I have yet to experience in this lifetime. Experience true love, all the firsts and forever with someone, and all of those other mushy things I've read from the novels! I want to experience life outside of my comfort zone, I want to experience the world!

HUMOUR. British form of the word "humor". Can you not? Hahaha! I'm obsessed with a few British people.. And I loved a British guy since like forever! ♥ Do humour me please... I think it's impossible to experience boredom with someone humorous. So yeah, it is one of the things I want in life.

There. I didn't actually thought I'll elaborate these... But well. I just did. :) I just felt I've matured with these choices! 

The Baby Has a New Baby

Hello my gorgeous pink blog!

So I have my new baby to pamper! 

On the 1st day of March, I finally had my new partner in crime.... And yet another proof of my self-proclaimed "impulsiveness". I want it, and I want it now! :)

I just love this MacBook so much! Hay! The things I do to deal with stress! Yep, I splurge out because I'm stressed out with a lot of things! It's kinda creepy, honestly. My impulsiveness was taken to a whole new level... Either way... At least I know I'm happy.

Let's Catch Up

Howdy baby blog!

Hmm.. What is there to share?.. Not much actually... I just wanna make some post... It has been a while anyways.. So bear with me..

This isn't exactly how I planned my this post. Ugh! So many things running through my mind at the moment... I cannot fathom them out into words!

Anyways, I will with this quote:

"It's never too late to start over. If you weren't happy with yesterday, try sommething different today. Don't stay stuck. Do better."

Meet My Loves

Years way back, someone told me: "You always choose the people who you are currently with." I do not want to dwell into full deets and explanation... Just, meet them below:

CRM Halloween Party 2014

Abbott RED Party 2014

My Loves..  Squeezed by an infinite lens in a four-cornered photographs.