While we're on our way home tonight, my officemate, Jethro and I had our usual "train conversations"... I was planning to make a page out of our daily convos when our first few days of being going home buddies surfaces... But well, you know I only plan those inside my head so I wasn't really able to remember it all!
Anyways, a quote sprang out of nowhere from me tonight: “Minsan may mga bagay na kailangan mong sukuan...” it was unfinished... I cannot find words to justify that “weakness”.
Yes. I view any form of "giving up" as a weakness; but tonight I realize that somehow it could be courageous to give up, most especially if you've fought hard enough or you've give it your best shot and still nothing had happened. It's courageous to give up when you know how bad you want it but you're willing to accept that no matter what you do, you'll never get it. And it's courageous to give up while you're still fighting for it.
Weird huh?.. Well, there are two sides to every story. And since majority thinks that giving up is a sign of weekness, I will counter that... Because me, being a patron of contradiction loves contradicting. I mean.. I hate loving what everyone loves, I love going against the norms.. I have that obsession for counter flowing.
The story of how that quote came out of nowhere will be continued tomorrow.
July 31, 2014
The continuation.
So let's get back to the quote that I cannot seem to finish. It came to me while we're in MRT.. See, one of the escalators was malfunctioned for more than a week and for those past days I always hope for that elevator to be functioning again.. Everyday I'm hoping and everyday I'm disappointed to find the escalator still not functioning.. So yesterday I said: "Sira padin yung elevator." And when the train doors opened and Jethro said we walk to the other elevator to get up, we were beyond surprise that the malfunctioned elevator is working again! And as we went up that quote sprang out from my mouth: "Minsan talaga may mga bagay na kailangan mong sukuan..." Then I'm lost for word. See what I was trying to say is that one is never to expect, because expectation leads to disappointment. Proven and tested. When you lower your expectation then you're disappointment will not surface and come shooting you to the core. When you didn't expect something good to happen and it did, then happiness is overwhelming. Maybe what I was trying to say is this: “May mga bagay tayong kailangang sukuan sa paghihintay para malaman mo kung dadating ba o hindi. Pag dumating eh di ayos, kung hindi naman eh di ayos lang din, at least, hindi ka naghintay.” Alam mo yung waiting in silence.. Yun siguro yun.
I don't know but... It just hit me inside. Yeah it's related to my Dan. Minsan ayoko nang maghintay, ayoko nang umasa na makikita ko siya at magiging kami pag dating ng araw.. Alam ko naman na sobrang labo eh... Don't rub it in! Alam ko naman.. Sobrang layo niya.. And I don't even know if I would fit into his life.. I don't even know if I deserve him. But how will I know if I won't even try?.. Ito yung mga laban na hindi pa nag-uumpisa, alam mo nang talo ka. Eh pero, matapang ako. Gusto kong lumaban eh. Lalaban muna ako para saming dalawa.. Isusuko ko lang siguro siya kapag sa kanya mismo nanggaling na tigilan ko na.
Oo lahat related sa kanya.
