IX

Accept the fact that you will grow apart from people you’ve had significant relationships with. Understand when someone no longer positively affects your life. Let them go. Don’t hinder your growth.―Lyjeeria (grab from berlin-artparasites)

Change... It's the only thing that's constant in this world. Inevitable. Innit?.. Haiiszt! I don't know why I'm doing this post... It's not as if they'll know about it.. It's not as if I will tell them about it. And it's not as if I want them to know about it... Well, that last sentence there is a lie.

Uh..? I don't know. What to say or what to write rather, nor why should I.. But I want to. And well, I do anything that I want. Vague. Impulsive. Confusing. Yep, that's just me. 9th year... Wow. Time does fly huh?.. Nope. I don't want to reminisce... I will only bawl my feelings into my eyes and out. This is so funny and annoying at the same time. Okay...? You're lost aren't you?.. Then stop reading this.. It's not for you. This is for 3 of the best things that's ever been mine... I don't know.. Kind of an open letter or whatever it is you may want to call it. They said never make a decision when you're mad and never make a promise when you're happy; but I'm one of those "in-the-moment" kind of girl and I'm sorry but, I always try to say what I wanna say... No matter who I hurt in the process.. And I know; I suck big time because of that..! I don't need you to tell me; but honestly?.. I do believe that you should say what it is you wanna say if you have the chance... So many people don't get those chances.. Anyways this isn't about them now, is it? Trust me when I say.. I'm the worst best friend you'll ever have. I'm needy.. I'm jealous.. I'm demanding.. And I'm selfish. I thought I actually am writing this to redeem myself... But I went back through my unpublished posts this week.. Those posts that are dated last year... There I saw the "goodbye" letter I wrote to each of them... And... I wanted to slap my last year self while reading those... I've been harsh; but no.. I do not regret it.. Because I know I had to do that. I had to let them go.

“You're thinking that I hate you now

Cause you still don't know what I never said.”

-I Wish You Would, Taylor Swift

So I did. And in all honestly... I think we've never been better. I've said it myself anyways.. I did that for all of us... Because maybe if I didn't... It'll worsen up. We will end up hating each other.. That, I cannot take. I needed to take the blame.. For our friendship... For my love.. For their good. I'd rather be hated because I cannot hate them... Not ever. They might think I did.. Which was heavy to take; but well, right now, right here... I wanna tell them that I did not hate them. I don't hate them... And I never will.

“I wish you would come backWish I'd never hung up the phone like I did, and I
I WISH YOU'D KNOW THAT I NEVER FORGET YOU AS LONG AS I LIVE, and I
Wish you were right here, right now, it's all good, I wish you would.”
-I Wish You Would, Taylor Swift

We're now living our lives apart... I wouldn't have it any other way; but I'll always remember them. They'll always be dear to me. I'll always have those silly high school memories we had tucked inside me. I'll always be best friends with those 3 naive-silly-crazy-beautiful-15y/o-girls.

“And being here without you

Is like I'm waking up to

Only half a blue sky

Kind of there but not quite

I'm walking round with just one shoe

I'm half a heart without you

I'm half a man at best

With half an arrow in my chest

I miss everything we do

I'm half a heart without you”

-Half A Heart, One Direction

This is why I understand why Zayn left One Direction.. (Maisingit lang?.. Haha! BTW, Z and I are both Capricorn. He's not my favorite tho, but that lad has a place in my heart.) Sometimes, things get too overwhelming.. You have two choices: either to hold on and hurt yourself in the process or let go and save yourself and the memories. I know, it might seem too selfish... But let us remember that we cannot love others if we do not love ourselves first.

“Forget all we said that nightNo it doesn't even matterCause we both got split in two...”

“Though I try to get you out of my head

The truth is I got lost without you.”

-Half A Heart, One Direction

What's done is done tho... We all need to go forward and live our lives; no matter how much we wanted to get things back on how they used to be... It wouldn't... I'm not writing this to get them back... I'm writing this to let them know that I will never forget them.. That they'll always have a place in my heart. And to let them know that I'm proud of them... I'm proud of what we have become and what we are all yet to become.. I want them to know that I'm proud of our friendship that will remain forever dear to me.